Cupcakes & Me

You are the ultimate temptation,
Luring me to the table,
Away from restrictions,
Sugar-covered rainbows,
Gleaming with satisfaction,
Little handfuls of joy,
Calling, calling, calling me to you,
Breaking my will-power,
Beautiful little cakes.

Beautiful little cakes,
That belong in my tum,
Tum, tum, tummy.

I give in, mouth watering…

18/1/10

Those silly little things called The Blues…

Yup. It’s official. I hate January. It’s the one month of the year when the majority of people are low, broke and just generally miserable. A time when some may find themselves questioning what they want to do…what they want out of life…

Well, I’m just looking forward to February now, I honestly can’t wait! It seems as if January has been dragging on for what feels like ages, with the end of the month seeming a long way off… I think I’ve probably had more lows than highs this month, so I’ll be glad to see the back of it! At least for another year! It’s the month when after all the excitement of the festive season, everyone slumps down into a stupor of lowness. Unless you have something great to look forward to, the month turns into a very boring month. Or at least, that’s the way I see it.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve tried to fill the month with interesting and fun things…but apart from a few occasions, not a lot of greatness has occurred. I feel like…BAH HUMBUG. So yeah, there you have it. I hate JANUARY. And I would like FEBRUARY to begin…as soon as possible. Thank you.

I think I need a kick up the backside to get me back into motion…any offers…?

This is NOT a love story…

This morning, after waiting to see it since it was in the cinemas – for some reason, I just didn’t see it at the cinema, no one seemed to want to come with me – I’ve finally watched…

500 DAYS OF SUMMER

And let me just tell you, it was just as good as I was expecting! I knew it would be about love, but NOT in the whole romantic LOVE STORY kind of way. Which was like a breath of fresh air in a way, because there’s so many romantic-boy-meets-girl films out there, and whilst I am generally a sucker for a GOOD romantic film (The Notebook and Pearl Harbour spring to mind here), I’ve been getting fed up of all these stupid ROM-COMS…which aren’t even very funny or romantic at the end of the day…it seems as if these films are catering more for “lads”, who have a “funny” view of romance and find it hilarious when they watch rom-coms; I’m thinking of films such as The 40-Year-Old-Virgin…or Knocked-Up…and whilst, yes, they’re alright when you’re in the mood to watch those kind of films, I just really miss all these great films about LOVE…so, even though 500 Days Of Summer isn’t actually a LOVE story, it’s ABOUT LOVE…and I absolutely loved it. It’s a relief to find such a good film that doesn’t confine to the usual rom-com rules…it was a romantic film…but it was also funny at some points, making it a rom-com in it’s own right…but it didn’t feel like a rom-com…

And now…I’m looking forward to finding a subtitled screening of Nowhere Boy and Sex, Drugs and Rock’n'Roll…next stop: CINEMA!

BLOGSPHERE…

The blogosphere is made up of all blogs and their interconnections.

The Highs and Lows of 2009

After reading posts on both Lizzie In Wonderland’s blog and Cats and Chocolate’s blog, I’ve been inspired to post on my own blog about 2009…and what it meant to me…and what I’m looking forward to this year…

2009 got off to a bad start, in a way, because University life didn’t seem as exciting as it was in the first term…and I felt as if the course started to go downhill, unfortunately. I feel that the beginning of 2009 was an incredibly difficult period of my life so far – I was away from the family, friends and the boy, all whom I love very dearly. It was hard to go through the motions of uni everyday when I just felt like I didn’t want to be there, I remember having such a strong longing to be home…just to be home, that was all I wanted. And yet I stuck it out, and I am actually proud of myself for this…even though it was only until the end of the first year, I stayed on a course that I didn’t enjoy and in a place that didn’t inspire me at all.

After I left uni in June, I spent a bit of time soul-searching…trying to work out what I wanted to do, whether I wanted to stay or leave uni…in the end, I bit the bullet and decided to make a change and leave the uni. Instead, I enrolled on a part time course with the Open University, which means that I have a lot more time to do other projects/work/socialise etc, something that was lacking whilst I was away at uni.

In terms of travelling, 2009 was fairly good…in April, the boy and I went to Amsterdam to celebrate our 2-year-anniversary, which was lovely but I’d like to visit again when I’m not so stressed about university/work etc. However, my favourite travelling highlight from 2009 HAS to be the trip to Benicassim Festival and then Barcelona in Spain in July…I loved Barcelona and am hoping to go back this year in June to celebrate my 21st Birthday. In August, I went to Reading Festival, which was the third year in a row…it’s just a good festival for rock music… September meant another little trip, to Norfolk, with the parents, sister, her partner and the boy…was nice to get away for a few days, and then the boy and I had some time alone for a few days because we stayed longer than the others. In the summer, another highlight was a trip to Manchester, as I had never been before and absolutely love the city now!

From September onwards, I started to push the Jewellery venture more with my sister…and we hosted a party in December, which went really well and has motivated us to keep the whole thing going. I also managed to get some really good snaps in 2009, some of which I’ve posted on here; I’m hoping to delve into photography a lot more this year…with courses etc. Towards the end of 2009, I started to volunteer at the beloved theatre company, and whilst it was rewarding for the most part, I sometimes felt as if my time could’ve been better spent doing other things…hmmm.

After I came home from University, life seemed to improve a great deal for me and it’s only reaffirmed my belief that life is a journey and for me, it’s a journey for happiness…life is meant to be happy, and I believe that everyone should get a chance to have happiness, no matter who they are. Overall, 2009 was a year that started off slightly badly but it ended well, it was a 50:50 year.

2010 will bring:

*Barcelona in June (for my 21st)
*New York (fingers crossed) in December for my mother’s big birthday…
*Paris for the boy and mine’s 3rd anniversary in April
*Glastonbury Festival in June
*Volunteering at a Primary HIU (hearing impaired unit)
*Pushing Stars and Rainbows Jewellery to new heights
*Plentiful opportunities to get beautiful, happy snaps with the camera
*Exciting opportunities with Uni. work…

Generally, 2010 looks like it’ll be an exciting year, full of new and interesting opportunities which I am really excited about! I hope 2010 looks like it’ll be a good year for you all too…I know it’s a bit late but…HAPPY NEW YEAR

Busy bees

I’ve recently come to the realisation that everyone is busy, in their own way, and there isn’t really much cause for being annoyed with your friends/family for not keeping in touch all the time – especially if they’re busy. It’s taken a long time to reach this realisation, I used to get rather annoyed when I was younger if someone didn’t text/email back quickly but after being extremely busy myself over the last two or so years, I’ve realised that I was silly for getting annoyed – if they emailed/texted back eventually, then there’s no problem! It’s only when someone you care about never replies to you, for no valid reason, then yes, you can be annoyed then.

It can be difficult to keep in touch sometimes, and I’ve always been disappointed that I can’t just pick the phone up and talk to my friends/family; as I’ve blogged before, just being able to pick the phone up and talk to those who were back home would’ve really helped whilst I was away at university, I often used to sit and watch my friends chat away on the phone to their parents/friends from home and swallow the lump that would form in my throat because I couldn’t do this myself. I sometimes feel that keeping in touch would be ever so slightly easier sometimes if I could just PICK THE PHONE UP. I know I shouldn’t feel like this, but there’s a handful of friends I have who love to talk on the phone…and I hate knowing that we can’t ever do it. Previously, I blogged about a friend that I’m not in touch with much at the moment, and I feel like she expects more from me in terms of keeping up with HER, and with her, I really do feel like I could talk to her on the phone because it feels like there’s a massive gap between us at the moment and it’s really starting to bug me, again. I really don’t understand what’s happened there, to be honest.

Growing up being deaf was challenging, to say the least, and throughout, my mum, sister and various others made sure that I saw my deafness as something that could actually make my life better, not worse. My mum would bear the sadness that I imposed on her during my many bouts of tearful hours; she’d listen to me, try to make me feel better and tell me she loved me. I feel so lucky that I have her and incredibly fortunate to have my older sister (Cats and Chocolate) because she’s roughly 4 years older and is deaf as well, so she knew how it felt – especially as a teenager. I also managed to get through some of the hard times with the support of the beloved theatre company; whenever I was going through a bad patch, they always seemed to be there, but without realising it. I think I’ll always have a few hang-ups about my deafness, it’s impossible not to, but I think it’s important that I can also see the good stuff that have come as a result of my deafness: I would never have met so many incredible people/friends if I weren’t deaf, I doubt I would be as close to my sister, I probably wouldn’t appreciate the little things in life as much as I do and I feel like I can relate to others who feel isolated, alone… In anything you do/go through in life, it’s important to see the good side of things, rather than focusing on the bad side all the time.

Yes, it is difficult to keep in touch sometimes, but you can only give as much as you can. Hopefully, if other’s appreciate you, they’ll appreciate whatever you can give.

All shapes and sizes…

It seems that in recent years, society has become obsessed with weight and appearances – but what’s the point…? These days, people often seem to want to label a person’s weight (haven’t a clue why, unless you’re in the medical world), and various labels seem to get thrown around: OBESE, FAT, THIN, ANNOREXIC, STICK-THIN, FRUMPY, NOT-QUITE-FAT-OR-THIN, ENORMOUS, CURVY, TOP-HEAVY, BOTTOM-HEAVY…I feel like I could go on for a lot longer, and I’m also fully aware that there are a lot more words out there that are probably rather offensive…but, seriously, WHY?! Why do people seem intent on labelling other’s weight? Have the “concerned” medical world forced these words down our throats, or is it more to do with size-0 (or rather, size-2 now…!) models that some women feel inclined to look like, or all these glossy women’s magazines that grace the shelves…? Why, oh why, is society obsessed with beauty, figures and how fat or thin women are? I know that men may often have a similar problem, as the men’s magazines are often full of men flexing their “toned muscles” (unless you’re in the minority of men who go out and buy all those “lad’s mags”…with women covering the pages)…and if men are classed as “obese”, then you may see where I’m coming from here. I just don’t understand how society seemed to have become so narrow-minded and so determined to comply with a universal form of “beauty”, a beauty that is often very difficult to achieve.

The other day, my sister and I were watching Sex And The City (the film), and there’s a part within the film when Samantha (if you’re not familiar with SATC, she’s one of the 4 friends) starts to put on weight, apparently without realising it…and turns up in New York to see her friends, and her weight becomes a talking point. However, whilst some people would either turn a blind eye, or cast one eye over her and turn their noses up, her friends were just surprised that this very sexual lady had failed to notice that (probably for the first time in her life) she had been piling on the pounds and earned herself quite a small bulging tummy. Instead of saying things like “Oh my god…” etc, one of them told her that it’s not that they’re shocked about her weight as such, because they think she would look incredible at any size, but it was just they didn’t understand how she had done it without noticing (the answer was that she’d been avoiding mirrors – going through a bad time of it…). It goes to show, that even in one of the blockbusters, in one of the films where fashion is a very large focal point throughout (Carrie’s love of fashion is probably the cause), SIZE IS NOT AN ISSUE. No, rather, it is much better to feel comfortable within your own skin. I really do love SATC, the series AND the film now. (And am eagerly awaiting the next film…hope it doesn’t turn into one of those crap “second” films though!)

The point I’m trying to make here is that whatever your size, don’t let ANYONE ever tell you that you’re not beautiful. In most cases, beauty comes from WITHIN, and is not ANYTHING to do with the EXTERIOR…I only wish that some people would realise that. What is on the exterior is mainly what your appearance is, but sometimes, the most beautiful of people, are in fact not very nice people. However, some beautiful people are incredibly nice people, it just depends on the person I suppose. I’ve been brought up to accept people and not to judge people too quickly – although I obviously realise that there are some times when you have a gut feeling about someone’s character the minute you meet them, normally it’s a warning that you’ll never get along with the said person…or perhaps it’s the opposite, a sign that you’ll get along like a house on fire – I’ve experienced both gut feelings!

Some people have heavy bones, I know I do, and my sister also, so when we weigh ourselves (if ever!), we need to take that into consideration, BUT isn’t it best to look at how you feel…? Whether you feel healthy or not, whether you’re comfortable with your size (and not whether anyone else likes your size, look deep within and actually let yourself answer this one), whether you’re happy with who you are – both inside and out…? Some people have health issues, such as PCO and PCOS (Poly Cystic Ovaries Syndrome) which makes losing weight a hell of a lot harder; it’s just that we shouldn’t really judge another person’s weight because there may be a whole host of reasons behind their weight, and at the end of the day, the only thing that really matters is whether the person is happy themselves, we have no right to tell others that they “should lose weight” or anything like that.

I’m waiting for the day when society accepts that size is not, and never has been, an issue. Beauty is not the be all, end all. All that matters is that you learn to love yourself and your body, whatever shape or size you are. Be happy.

A little bit of Audrey…

Time for a quote from Eleanor…

“do
one
thing
every
day
that
scares
you”

-

Eleanor
Roosevelt

Seeking…?

It really has been a slow start to the month/year so far… I had been feeling a tad lost and seemed to have lost my footing a bit in terms of things I need/want to do, but I woke up early today (my sleep was annoyingly disrupted by my cold…grrr!) and I was tossing and turning, thinking and couldn’t switch my brain off once I had started. I think I’ve had a bit of the “January blues”…but I really want to shake it off this week and be more productive! There’s a few things I want to do:

(1) work at my Primary school, with the deaf children…probably just for one or two days a week but it should be good as it could help me on my way to becoming a qualified Level 1 BSL tutor…we’ll see…

(2) keep the Jewellery venture going…we did really well with the party in December, so we need to make some more pieces and look at markets etc…

(3) make a budget plan so that I can afford to do a bit of travelling this year – Barcelona, UK, New York…

(4) put my head down and get on with Uni work, which seems to have gotten a little side-tracked recently – ooops…

(5) get my room sorted…it’s slowly getting there…

(6) GO OUT! Been cooped up indoors a bit lately…so I need to go out and breathe some fresh (cold) air…

(7) make a list of things I want to get done this year (Level 1 BSL tutor, photography, uni razzle dazzle, work…etc…etc…)…

Sometimes, making lists can be really productive because you can see what you need to do, rather than sitting and worrying about all the things you need to do. I love making lists, even if I don’t get all the things done – at least you’ve MADE a list! The list above is inspiring to me because it’s showing me what I need to work at to achieve and it’s partly building on things I’ve done over the last few months. For me, I need to have things to look forward to, to work towards, whether it be a day-trip somewhere or getting a certain amount of work done, I just need to have things that I feel I have worked towards and earned.

I’ve come to realise that with voluntary work, you can only give as much as you can and as much as is healthy…I think last term, I gave TOO much of my time to the beloved theatre company and almost feel as if I hadn’t got as much back from it. Voluntary work should be something that you find rewarding, and whilst for the most part, I did find it rewarding, I also felt that at times my help went unacknowledged. Which is why I think I need to prioritise and find things that I think will be worthwhile, to the cause and to me as well. Although the theatre company will always have a place in my heart, I think I may need to move on and find other causes to work with. I’m in a place right now where I’m not completely sure what it is that I want, what path I want to follow…so I need to dip my fingers into different paint pots and find something that I’m truly passionate about.

Choosing the right path is incredibly difficult, I think too much pressure is put upon young people in their late teens/early 20s to KNOW what they want out of life, but the truth is often that they feel confused and don’t always know what they want to do. Unless you have your life mapped out, unless you know for certain which path you want to follow, I think it’s a very confusing time in your life. You have to be a lot more responsible and sometimes it’s as if a lot is expected from you, which is fine but what if you’re unsure about what to expect from yourself? Some days I think I know what I want, and then other days I feel a bit lost and don’t really know where I’m going…I think it’ll be another few years before I’m comfortable with it all; before I can say that I’m happy following a certain path or two. For now, I think I’ll just keep on trying different things…there’s no textbook on how to live your life, so live it how you want to!

I don’t know what I’m seeking but I know that I want to be the happiest I can be. I just need to work out what will make me happy in life.