Soapy Sam goes on an adventure down the plug hole, at bathtime, and what does he find down there? This was a buntin made especially for Handprint’s production of Soapy Sam, and it tells of many creatures that can be found down the plug hole…down the pipes…down in the dark…
Yesterday was a busy day; and it ended in a night wherein I attended two social events! The first was a social meet-up, for D/deaf and hearing people, that is a casual and informal way to practice sign-language and meet new people. For us (the big sis and I), it is partly to keep up with our signing skills, partly to help and support learners of BSL, and partly because, well, it’s fun and we get to meet and socialise with new people. Always a good thing, especially when it involves the use of sign-language, as opposed to trying to lipread new people. Then, afterwards, I headed on out for a birthday celebration…a handful of Instagram photographs will be coming soon… I hope you all had a great Friday!
Yesterday was a good day. A good book day. My big sis has set up a “Deaf Writers and Book Group”, and we had our first meeting last night. There were four of us, and we were all rather sleepy, but we trekked though and had a few moments when giggles erupted - I think that’s a sign of a good meeting! Coffee helped me, too. And the boy will be proud of me – it had no sugar in it, although that was down to the fact that there didn’t seem to be any in the cafe…waaaah? Anyway. It was fun. It was happy. It was productive. We’re starting with Isles of View by C.F. Brunner, and I’m looking forward to it. I like having things to look forward to. I hope you are all having a good week, and the weekend is nearly with us, so I think we can all do a little jump for joy? Big hugs.
This was the exciting, special project that I’ve been involved with for the last few weeks. Handprint Theatre, which is the company I work with, were commissioned to facilitate two accessible workshops for deaf children, prior to their visits to the theatre. The theatre in question was the Lyceum Theatre, in London’s West End…where none other but The Lion King lives. It was a great experience, and the children seemed to gain so much from the workshops. Handprint is slowly but surely helping to make the world a more accessible place. If you want to read/see more from Handprint, then head over to the blog I set up, which chronicles the Handprint adventures.
I’ve been thinking of this for a while now, and over the last couple of days, it has been bubbling within me. On Tuesday night, I watched Rita Simons: My Daughter, Deafness and Me on BBC1. I had been looking forward to it, as my friend Lizzie had texted me about it being on TV, and my mum had been talking to someone else about it during the day too. Tuesday night arrived, I settled down with my mum and sister…and all started well. Rita’s daughter has a progressive hearing loss, which means that (like me), her hearing will most likely deteriorate as the years go on. To start with, I understood the heartbreak that they were experiencing, and could understand why they were looking for alternate ways to help their daughter. However, as the programme went on, I felt more and more irritated and appalled at Rita’s attitude. The way the programme was filmed was awful, in the end, too. Why? Well, bear with me.
Don’t get me wrong, it started well. Where it began to go wrong, though, was when Rita began to meet other Deaf people – and I mean Deaf with a capital D. (For those who don’t know, that means deaf people who are full signers, who are often enveloped within the Deaf Community and Culture.) Her attitude became quite defensive, as she spoke about how they were bringing up their daughter orally, mainstreaming her at school, and were researching cochlear implants. That would all be fine. But when she broached on the topic of cochlear implants, which, amongst D/deaf people can be an extremely controversial and sensitive subject, she became very offensive. One of the Deaf people she met suggested that, in her eyes, cochlear implanting a young child is like a form of abuse. Okay, so maybe that was quite an offensive thing to suggest, but the thing is, that was just her view, and she was not in any way suggesting that that is the only way to think about cochlear implants. However, Rita took offence by it, and began to enter into a debate about something that she really oughtn’t have, since it was apparent that she didn’t really understand why Deaf people feel the way they do.
What angered me more was the fact that the BBC didn’t feel the need to diverge further into this; the fact that they cut off the filming of that debate, just as it was getting interesting, it annoyed me. It painted a bleak picture of the Deaf Community, and made Deaf (and deaf) people look like evil, soulless creatures who are very anti-hearing. That is not the case, at all. The programme just went downhill after that. In the end, Rita said that she was in favour of cochlear implants “100 percent”, and that that would be the route they are going to go down. Although her husband had a bit more sense about him, (he actually went to listen to simulations of what speech and music sounds like with a cochlear implant) I have a bad feeling that they will end up implanting their daughter and cutting her off from the Deaf world. Not in a bad way, because I am not against cochlear implants, but in the sense that they, especially Rita, seemed to turn against D/deaf people, and wanted her daughter to be “normal”.
In a world that is supposedly becoming more and more accepting of differences, and disabilities, this attitude stunned me. It made me feel shit about myself. It made me feel like there are many, many people out there who think that deafness is something that needs to be fixed. In this day and age, with technological advancements, yes, I can understand that people want to use those advancements to help each other. However, what I will not, and never will accept, is the way that hearing people (sorry to generalise here, I know that there are many who are absolutely, 100 percent on the side of D/deaf people) feel the need to go around fixing poor little deaf people’s ears, curing them of deafness and taking away any sense of deafhood in those people. I’ve got news for you all; deafness cannot be fixed. It cannot be cured. Do you know why? Because just by implanting a young child, just by putting hearing aids in their ears, just by sending them to hours and hours of speech therapy…it does not, and never will, make them hearing.
My parents were in the exact same situation as Rita and her husband, except, maybe, it was slightly worse. They got a double whammy dosage of “bad” news. Both my sister and I were diagnosed as being deaf at the same time. She was 6 years old, I was 2 years old. My mum has told me, in the past, that it was heartbreaking. She felt so confused, so lost. Her beautiful children, both of them, had damaged ears. What she didn’t know, back then, was that our deafness would in no way hinder our lives, or stop us from achieving whatever we want in life. The only thing that would hold us back would be the ignorance of people who are not accepting of differences. All of this may sound harsh, it may sound bleak, but it’s the way it is. There are many people out there who may see deafness as something that needs to be fixed. They may think that being hearing is the only way to be, and, oh golly, we can’t have people going around not hearing things, can we?! Seriously? Are you kidding me? I know how hard it is. Being deaf is both a blessing and a curse. Having a progressive hearing loss sucks, honest, it does. But I would much rather be deaf, than hearing, quite frankly.
Some who are reading this will probably be thinking I am mad. But, really, I’m not. I am glad to be deaf, because it has made me who I am today, it has meant that I’ve met some truly amazing, inspirational people, people I would not have been exposed to otherwise. Some of my friends are wonderful, and they are hearing. I have a whole other handful of friends who are D/deaf. It makes no difference. With the D/deaf friends, I can relate, I can be on the same wavelength in terms of experiences and our day to day lives. With the hearing friends, I can experience the hearing world, I can hear (yes, hear, wow!) their stories from their lives. Being deaf hasn’t stopped me from setting out to achieve my dreams. Last year, I lost a lot of my hearing. It was hard, and it was really, really painful. I was suffering for a long time, not in physical pain, but mentally. It hurt. To get used to one level of hearing, and then to have that hearing taken away from you, and to have to adjust to a whole new level of hearing…it’s tough. I won’t lie. But, still, I am happy to be deaf. I feel a sense of pride, of belonging, and all because of the things that Deaf and deaf people have achieved throughout history. The things they are still achieving today. I feel proud. I feel a sense of belonging that many hearing people do not have; I have a community, even if I don’t always join it. I have a foot in both worlds, the Hearing World, and the Deaf World, and I have my own world too – I have the world that is in between the two, a world in which I can be with just me, and watch both hearing people and Deaf people, my own, comfortable world.
I have no regrets. I am who I am today because of everything, and I mean every single little thing, that I have been through in my life. Heartbreak, natural highs, academic achievements, being on the stage, making life-changing decisions, enjoying the little things in life, as well as the big things; all of it, it makes up who I am. I love my parents so very much; they are both hearing, and they surrounded both my sister and I with love. My mum was the confidante that I would always go to with tears in my eyes, because I suffered so much, growing up, and had to accept how different my deafness made me from my hearing peers. I can’t even imagine how strong she had to be, to listen to me and not break down herself. My dad was always there to have a giggle with, to be goofy with. Then, as I grew up, I became closer to my sister. We have something special that bonds us; our deafness. It’s special, and I wouldn’t change it for the world.
Of course, there will always, always be obstacles and hurdles to overcome, but I have the right people around me, I am living in the right time period, to be able to get over any of it, to overcome it all. We are strong. Deaf people are not weak, they are not damaged, and they do not, ever, ever, need fixing. You don’t fix what is not broken. Rita ended with: “I cannot fathom for the life of me – and I’ve tried – if sound is on offer why you wouldn’t use it.” I end on a high. I am happy with what I hear; I miss the hearing I had, I miss hearing music naturally, I miss hearing the boy’s heartbeat…but I am content with what I can currently hear through hearing aids. No way do I want to hear music without the melody, to miss out on all those beautiful notes. Sure, it doesn’t even sound the same with hearing aids, but I’m getting there. I don’t want it to just become “noise”, which is what it would be with a cochlear implant, but that’s a whole other post…and I’m running short on time now. I’ve been ranting for a while. It’s clear now, and I am feeling happier now that I’ve put this all into words. Rita, as lovely as you may be, please, please reassess your stance, because you offended a great amount of Deaf and deaf people on Tuesday.
Me? I’m happy. I hope you are too.
News: Fulham football club appoint deaf Vice Chairman.
A very exciting development at Fulham Football Club…and I now have even more reason to love them, besides from the fact that the boy is a huge supporter (he’s talking about forking out a lot of money for a season ticket, for the new season…), and putting aside the the fact that I have a growing infatuation with Dempsey…
In the midst of happiness, in the midst of sadness, there is one thing you must not forget:
Lately, there has been a lot of dreaming, a lot of work…and at the same time, I’ve been trying to stay true to myself. When we get caught up in the busyness of day to day life, we sometimes let ourselves slip into habits, into convenience, and don’t always stay true to ourselves, or remember how we want to be. You might say or do something that you wouldn’t ordinarily do; this happened to me around this time last year. Sadness and longing took a grip on me, and I was stifled and confused. I forgot who I was and what I stood for. Looking back on that time makes me feel sad, but not for long, because I know to move on now, and not to dwell on it. Growing up, I taught myself that my deafness wouldn’t hold me back, and that it does not define me, who I am, or what I want from life; unfortunately, I forgot that, and I let myself fall into grief when I lost more hearing. I am proud of where I am now, this last year has taught me a lot, especially in terms of what I stand for and what I believe in.
When dreams begin to come true, remember what you went through to get to that point, because you are a culmination of everything you have gone through in life. I believe that the things we go through, no matter how hard or good, can help us in the future; they can teach you to deal with hardships, and celebrate the good times, the happy times. Life is a balance, a gentle flow of ups and downs. Sometimes it is more to do with how you deal with a situation, I feel; these days, I try not to worry so much about the little things, and I try my hardest to brush things off. By my own admission, I am a very sensitive person; when someone says something to me, I have to force myself not to take offence or to dwell on it. Focus on the good things, and move on from the negative things. Embrace a positive mindset. I am learning. Learning is such a good thing. Learning helps you to grow.
Next week I am involved with a very exciting project, and when it’s over, I can’t wait to tell you about it! It’s a good thing, for many. Also, today, I received an email that was awfully exciting too…it seems that my photography dream is within my reach. All it takes is the simple act of putting yourself out there. Trust me, although it seems scary, if you put yourself out into the world, you will reap the benefits and get just as much back as you put in. I have my little boat, a river ahead, and I am starting to set out on a little journey. The waters might be rocky in some places, and calm in others, but I am preparing for the journey at the moment…and I am going to treasure each and every moment.
In everything you do, wherever you go, whoever you meet…never forget who you are.
Everyone sees the world differently. Some people see the world with rose tinted glasses, which is absolutely fine; others see the harsh reality that the world offers, and see it as a dark and bleak place, also fine (but I’d hope they can see the good too). Some see unicorns. Some see rainbows everywhere they go. Some see a continuous winter, whereas others see a continuous summer. The point is, that everyone sees the world in their own way. We all have lenses, and are focusing them in whichever way we want, every moment that we’re awake; and those lenses are our eyes. Even those who are blind can see the world, through the beautiful descriptions of others. They can feel the sunshine on their skin, feel the coolness of the rain. Being blind does not make them blind to the beauty that the world has to offer. Much the same as being deaf does not mean that you cannot understand the worth of sounds, the worth of music, the worth of hearing the voices of those you love.
I want to be able to capture emotion, to capture the world around me, and let other people see the way I see the world. It’s beautiful, it’s scary, it’s big and vast, and there are so many lives contained within the world, each living separate realities, and softly intertwined. I want to show that. I want to show what it’s like to be a deaf person living in a hearing world. I want to show that there is no right or wrong, no black or white. I want to show that the way children see the world is one of the most beautiful and precious things in this world. I want to show people that they don’t have to give up. I want to show life, and not just mine, but all the other stories out there. I want to share my photography, my words, what I do. It’s real, and I will make it happen; it’s just that right now, I’m not sure how I’m going to make it happen…I just have that hope, the dream, and it’s down to me to make it come true.
Chasing dreams is scary, the kind of scary that makes you catch your breath and not breathe for a few moments, but it’s exciting too. Ever so exciting. Since Friday, I’ve been in an almost constant state of dreaming, and I am now trying to focus my thoughts and zone in on how to make my dreams a reality. Note: any help you have to offer…would be greatly appreciated right now. I don’t really know which way I’m facing, but I know that it will be good. Hard work, yes, but oh so rewarding. Follow your dreams, I dare you.
Well, this can certainly apply to a large chunk of last year. People who had once been close to me, were quick to judge when I said the wrong thing, and later lost the ability to express myself in words at all. If they really knew me, they would have known just how much of a bad place I was in. Losing your hearing is one of the worst things to happen, especially when you are already deaf and value what you have so much. It broke my heart. People need to wake up and stop being so self-centred, and realise the truth. Sure, I’m no angel, but neither are you. No one is an angel, no matter how much they seem like one. Mini-rant…over.
(Just posted this on Tumblr, and thought it was worth posting here too. Last year is still sore, if I think about it too much, but I am in such a better place now, and no one can pull me down.)
January 20th; the day that Indeafinitely was born. I set up this Tumblr blog, because I thought there was a lack of blogs focused towards helping those who are deaf, hard of hearing, or teenagers suffering from depression, lowness, isolation, loneliness, or low self-esteem, due to deafness or related causes. I went through depression when I was a teenager, and as I began my journey into adulthood, there have been times when I’ve been close to slipping back into the black hole, but I’ve been lucky and have stopped myself from going that far again. It is a struggle, and I hate to hear of people suffering from depression, or who are slipping. I will do anything I can to help those who are going through those feelings. Hence, Indeafinitely.
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