I’ve been thinking of this for a while now, and over the last couple of days, it has been bubbling within me. On Tuesday night, I watched Rita Simons: My Daughter, Deafness and Me on BBC1. I had been looking forward to it, as my friend Lizzie had texted me about it being on TV, and my mum had been talking to someone else about it during the day too. Tuesday night arrived, I settled down with my mum and sister…and all started well. Rita’s daughter has a progressive hearing loss, which means that (like me), her hearing will most likely deteriorate as the years go on. To start with, I understood the heartbreak that they were experiencing, and could understand why they were looking for alternate ways to help their daughter. However, as the programme went on, I felt more and more irritated and appalled at Rita’s attitude. The way the programme was filmed was awful, in the end, too. Why? Well, bear with me.
Don’t get me wrong, it started well. Where it began to go wrong, though, was when Rita began to meet other Deaf people – and I mean Deaf with a capital D. (For those who don’t know, that means deaf people who are full signers, who are often enveloped within the Deaf Community and Culture.) Her attitude became quite defensive, as she spoke about how they were bringing up their daughter orally, mainstreaming her at school, and were researching cochlear implants. That would all be fine. But when she broached on the topic of cochlear implants, which, amongst D/deaf people can be an extremely controversial and sensitive subject, she became very offensive. One of the Deaf people she met suggested that, in her eyes, cochlear implanting a young child is like a form of abuse. Okay, so maybe that was quite an offensive thing to suggest, but the thing is, that was just her view, and she was not in any way suggesting that that is the only way to think about cochlear implants. However, Rita took offence by it, and began to enter into a debate about something that she really oughtn’t have, since it was apparent that she didn’t really understand why Deaf people feel the way they do.
What angered me more was the fact that the BBC didn’t feel the need to diverge further into this; the fact that they cut off the filming of that debate, just as it was getting interesting, it annoyed me. It painted a bleak picture of the Deaf Community, and made Deaf (and deaf) people look like evil, soulless creatures who are very anti-hearing. That is not the case, at all. The programme just went downhill after that. In the end, Rita said that she was in favour of cochlear implants “100 percent”, and that that would be the route they are going to go down. Although her husband had a bit more sense about him, (he actually went to listen to simulations of what speech and music sounds like with a cochlear implant) I have a bad feeling that they will end up implanting their daughter and cutting her off from the Deaf world. Not in a bad way, because I am not against cochlear implants, but in the sense that they, especially Rita, seemed to turn against D/deaf people, and wanted her daughter to be “normal”.
In a world that is supposedly becoming more and more accepting of differences, and disabilities, this attitude stunned me. It made me feel shit about myself. It made me feel like there are many, many people out there who think that deafness is something that needs to be fixed. In this day and age, with technological advancements, yes, I can understand that people want to use those advancements to help each other. However, what I will not, and never will accept, is the way that hearing people (sorry to generalise here, I know that there are many who are absolutely, 100 percent on the side of D/deaf people) feel the need to go around fixing poor little deaf people’s ears, curing them of deafness and taking away any sense of deafhood in those people. I’ve got news for you all; deafness cannot be fixed. It cannot be cured. Do you know why? Because just by implanting a young child, just by putting hearing aids in their ears, just by sending them to hours and hours of speech therapy…it does not, and never will, make them hearing.
My parents were in the exact same situation as Rita and her husband, except, maybe, it was slightly worse. They got a double whammy dosage of “bad” news. Both my sister and I were diagnosed as being deaf at the same time. She was 6 years old, I was 2 years old. My mum has told me, in the past, that it was heartbreaking. She felt so confused, so lost. Her beautiful children, both of them, had damaged ears. What she didn’t know, back then, was that our deafness would in no way hinder our lives, or stop us from achieving whatever we want in life. The only thing that would hold us back would be the ignorance of people who are not accepting of differences. All of this may sound harsh, it may sound bleak, but it’s the way it is. There are many people out there who may see deafness as something that needs to be fixed. They may think that being hearing is the only way to be, and, oh golly, we can’t have people going around not hearing things, can we?! Seriously? Are you kidding me? I know how hard it is. Being deaf is both a blessing and a curse. Having a progressive hearing loss sucks, honest, it does. But I would much rather be deaf, than hearing, quite frankly.
Some who are reading this will probably be thinking I am mad. But, really, I’m not. I am glad to be deaf, because it has made me who I am today, it has meant that I’ve met some truly amazing, inspirational people, people I would not have been exposed to otherwise. Some of my friends are wonderful, and they are hearing. I have a whole other handful of friends who are D/deaf. It makes no difference. With the D/deaf friends, I can relate, I can be on the same wavelength in terms of experiences and our day to day lives. With the hearing friends, I can experience the hearing world, I can hear (yes, hear, wow!) their stories from their lives. Being deaf hasn’t stopped me from setting out to achieve my dreams. Last year, I lost a lot of my hearing. It was hard, and it was really, really painful. I was suffering for a long time, not in physical pain, but mentally. It hurt. To get used to one level of hearing, and then to have that hearing taken away from you, and to have to adjust to a whole new level of hearing…it’s tough. I won’t lie. But, still, I am happy to be deaf. I feel a sense of pride, of belonging, and all because of the things that Deaf and deaf people have achieved throughout history. The things they are still achieving today. I feel proud. I feel a sense of belonging that many hearing people do not have; I have a community, even if I don’t always join it. I have a foot in both worlds, the Hearing World, and the Deaf World, and I have my own world too – I have the world that is in between the two, a world in which I can be with just me, and watch both hearing people and Deaf people, my own, comfortable world.
I have no regrets. I am who I am today because of everything, and I mean every single little thing, that I have been through in my life. Heartbreak, natural highs, academic achievements, being on the stage, making life-changing decisions, enjoying the little things in life, as well as the big things; all of it, it makes up who I am. I love my parents so very much; they are both hearing, and they surrounded both my sister and I with love. My mum was the confidante that I would always go to with tears in my eyes, because I suffered so much, growing up, and had to accept how different my deafness made me from my hearing peers. I can’t even imagine how strong she had to be, to listen to me and not break down herself. My dad was always there to have a giggle with, to be goofy with. Then, as I grew up, I became closer to my sister. We have something special that bonds us; our deafness. It’s special, and I wouldn’t change it for the world.
Of course, there will always, always be obstacles and hurdles to overcome, but I have the right people around me, I am living in the right time period, to be able to get over any of it, to overcome it all. We are strong. Deaf people are not weak, they are not damaged, and they do not, ever, ever, need fixing. You don’t fix what is not broken. Rita ended with: “I cannot fathom for the life of me – and I’ve tried – if sound is on offer why you wouldn’t use it.” I end on a high. I am happy with what I hear; I miss the hearing I had, I miss hearing music naturally, I miss hearing the boy’s heartbeat…but I am content with what I can currently hear through hearing aids. No way do I want to hear music without the melody, to miss out on all those beautiful notes. Sure, it doesn’t even sound the same with hearing aids, but I’m getting there. I don’t want it to just become “noise”, which is what it would be with a cochlear implant, but that’s a whole other post…and I’m running short on time now. I’ve been ranting for a while. It’s clear now, and I am feeling happier now that I’ve put this all into words. Rita, as lovely as you may be, please, please reassess your stance, because you offended a great amount of Deaf and deaf people on Tuesday.
Me? I’m happy. I hope you are too.
