Positive, Happy Thoughts

Listen to what I say 
In your life expect some trouble
When you worry you make it double 
Don’t worry be happy 
Be happy now

~ Bob Marley

The last few years have taught me a lot, last year especially. The biggest thing I’ve learnt is: don’t stress the little things. In life, things have a tendency to start piling up on you; one thing will go wrong, then it can sometimes begin to snowball. For me, I believe it’s a case of how we think about things, how much we let the bad stuff get into our core. For some people, “realistic”, negative thinking is how they work. Their glasses are half empty, they ignore the bright side, they are driven by pessimism. When I think of all that, my heart sinks a little. Personally, I couldn’t live in that way. I feel like I would be in a permanent state of lowness. Instead, my glass is half full, I always try to look on the bright side and I am a bona fide optimist! The way I see it, a pessimist will see the negatives in a situation, and dismiss the positives; whereas a pessimist will acknowledge the negatives but still find the positives, and leave with a smile on their faces. It is a lot harder to smile when things go wrong, to keep going with a positive mindset, than it is to submit to the negativity and let it take hold of you.

I’ve learnt this the hard way. As much as I’ve tried my hardest to live my life in a positive manner, negativity has gripped me in the past. As a teenager, it gripped me so hard that I fell into depression a few times, and that is the worst case scenario. It’s why I embrace the positive mindset, it’s why I try to smile so much. Not so much to avoid depression, but because I have been to the bottom of the black hole, learnt how sad it made me, and know that I don’t want to feel that way again. I want to inject happiness into each and every day. By smiling, I am, hopefully, spreading a little happiness, and to make other people happy is such a good feeling. A lot of my inspiration comes from little humans, otherwise known as children. They are, for the most part, in touch with the magical essence of simple happiness. They are curious about the world around them. They can find little things to be happy about. They will fall over, scrunch their faces up…then pick themselves up and carry on. Life is dandy. Life is free. We can take inspiration from that. Sure, as adults, we have to face a lot of worries and stress, but we can also have beautiful moments of happiness. Roll with it, think positive and live happily.

My point is that even if things are not going your way, even if everything seems to be going pear-shaped, it is okay. Sometimes bad things will happen, but it is as much a part of life as grass being green and the sky being blue…it is a part of the balance. If you keep on going, you’ll soon find something to smile about again. Create it yourself. We have that amazing power, the power to change the way we think about things, to make our lives better. I promise you, if you are in a dark time at the moment, that light will come again. You will smile again, without having to force it. You will laugh, without a care in the world. Life is hard, but so very beautiful.

Always try to embrace positive, happy thoughts, and push the negative, bad thoughts away.

“If you don’t like something, change it; if you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.” ~ Mary Engelbreit.

365: Day 20

January 20th; the day that Indeafinitely was born. I set up this Tumblr blog, because I thought there was a lack of blogs focused towards helping those who are deaf, hard of hearing, or teenagers suffering from depression, lowness, isolation, loneliness, or low self-esteem, due to deafness or related causes. I went through depression when I was a teenager, and as I began my journey into adulthood, there have been times when I’ve been close to slipping back into the black hole, but I’ve been lucky and have stopped myself from going that far again. It is a struggle, and I hate to hear of people suffering from depression, or who are slipping. I will do anything I can to help those who are going through those feelings. Hence, Indeafinitely.

The State of Things…

Maybe what it really comes down to, is that we’re all fighting our way through life; we all go through hard times, and sometimes, some people slip through those cracks, and don’t survive the hard times? On the other hand, it has much to do with your mental outlook. If you fight against your negative mindset, and create a positive mindset inside your head, then things might start to look brighter again. Over the last few months, I have learnt of many people I know who have fallen under the spell of depression. Now, I’m not talking about the “I’m so depressed” that people say when things aren’t going their way, those bad moments that soon pass, and they’re back to normal again. No. I’m talking about full-throttle, bottom-of-a-black-hole-inducing depression. The kind that slowly sucks you in, robs you of your good thoughts, and steals your sunshine. It lasts for however long. It can go on from weeks, to months. There’s no time-scale. Except that one day, you wake up, and the clouds have gone.

Well, yeah. A handful of people I know have/are going through that. And it sucks. The thing is, I can advise, I can tell them what they can do to make their days a little better; but I can’t be inside of their heads. I can’t tell them to stop thinking the bad thoughts. I can’t make it go away. Only they can make themselves feel better. They have the power. The worst thing is hearing about a girl that I’ve known since she was little, who is now 16, and feeling depressed. Suicidal. She is deaf, and attends a mainstream school, with NO support. There’s a gap in the education system, and it’s not good. When you reach age 16, and you attend Sixth Form, or college, then there is no provision, or rather, they are not obliged to give you any support. By support, I mean note-takers, Teachers of the Deaf to come in and support you in lessons, interpretors… This has left this girl feeling crippled; and I totally understand. I started Sixth Form, and it was a nightmare. Every day, I’d be coming home in tears; my mum had to be home by the time I got back from school, because she wasn’t sure just what I would do. That is how bad it was when I was 17, and that is the lowest I have ever been. I would hate for anyone to feel like that; and the thing is, I know that many people do feel like that. It’s horrid.

So, I want to make a difference. Somehow. Some way. Today, I set up another blog, on Tumblr, for deaf, hard of hearing, or teenagers, who feel isolated, alone, lost, depressed, and/or low. Everyone hurts, and everyone suffers, but not everyone helps. Careless words are spoken, hurtful comments are said; people are told to “get over it”, “stop being so silly”…this doesn’t help. What we need is more acceptance, more awareness, more people who care. If this sounds like something you’re interested in, please, don’t hesitate to get in touch with me, via commenting below. And if you’re deaf, young, and feeling anything like what I’ve described above, then have a look at Indeafinitely. This is for you.

Things will get better. Brighter days will come. Your sunshine is waiting for you. Never, never give up. You are worth it.

Stay Strong.

We’re almost at the start of a new year, and you might know what it holds for you in terms of plans, study, work…but you might not know what it holds for you in terms of your emotions and thoughts. If you read the passage above, and it spoke to you, then copy it, keep it close, put it in a scrapbook, a notebook, anywhere that will be safe, so that you can go back and read it whenever you need to. You see, you are stronger and braver, you just don’t always know it. You can get through these things, and survive these things, and in the long run, you will be a better person for it. Some things we go through are completely soul-destroying, and push us back to square one in terms of confidence and motivation, but just keep going. I’ve been there before, and it is possible. You can rise again from these things, I promise. Let me just say, I hate confidence. I hate how it is so flimsy and delicate; you can spend a long time building it up, and then in one moment, it can fall away again. But don’t let that stop you.

If you look at some of the greatest actors and actresses, and look at how amazing their performances are, and then look at them as people; well, more often than not, they are humble, shy people. They get nervous. When they step into the shoes of their characters, they become a whole other person, who is separate from who they are in real life, and this enables them to play some great characters, yet people forget that that is not them, and they might not be like that in real life. Not every successful person is hugely confident and sure of themselves. I’ve often thought that those people who are the loudest, most confident, are often rather scared and insecure underneath it all. Don’t let appearances deceive you. Be gentle with people.

When you’re lonely, find a good book, make a drink, your favourite food, and find a lovely spot to just sit and read, eat and drink, and be by yourself. Don’t forget to look after yourself, pamper yourself and give your soul some love.

If you have bad thoughts running around your head, write them down. Get them all out of your head. If you need to, set fire to the piece of paper (outside!!). Just empty your head of all the negative things, and feel how clear it is. Your mind can be full of lovely things, if you give yourself the space for this to happen.

Every day is a new page, a page that you can fill however you want. Maybe it won’t be a good day, maybe it will be one of those days that you want to just toss aside and forget about, but it also has the ability to become a good day. You have the chance to change it into a good day; you just need to believe it. Take it by it’s lapels, seize it, and shake the bad out, and smear this day with love. You can do it, I know you can. Forget about people who say you have to do certain things, forget about the doctors, who say you need to do this, this and that, forget about the people who make you feel bad about yourself. You have so much to offer, and you can do this. We have your back. Find your safe places, those places that you know you can go to whenever things aren’t going so great. Take small steps, steps that will lead the way to brighter days again.

Take this new year, and make it sparkle. Only you know how to do this, so have a little think about it all, and then go out there and do it. It’s a good year ahead. Forget about the bad things, and focus on the good things. The good things will pull you through all the bad things. Plan happy things this year; picnics in the summer, trips to the seaside, meals out with friends, overpriced trips to the cinema, nights in with friends, making lots of memories to fill up a scrapbook with…there are so many things you could plan for this year, so let nothing hold you back from making and doing those plans.

Go forth and be strong, kitten, stay strong.

And it starts…now.

It’s been a dull morning today, in terms of the weather. And it is definitely winter now, there’s a chill in the air! I’m currently sat in a cafe by the Docklands in London, sipping at my latte and taking it easy. The boy is in the library, revising, so I thought I’d tag along and spend a day blogging (on the move, as we’ll be going from place to place) and hopefully squeezing in a little Christmas shopping too. Still have quite a few people to buy for, but I should be able to get it all done this week…superpowers, kick in, now! Kaboom!

I like people watching, so I am loving having a netbook on my lap, coffee on the table and just casually glancing up to see what everyone around me is doing. Now, I’m not saying that I agree with staring at someone and making them feel incredibly uncomfortable, no, no, no. What I mean is that I like watching people walk past, watching people who are deep in conversation with others, watching people write in a journal, draw in a sketchbook, sip at their coffees whilst they too people watch. See, that’s what I like. In a cafe, you’ll often find people doing this, and they’ll often be the people who are sat by the windows, so they can watch people as they walk on by. The sis and I did this in Oxford the other day, and I loved seeing all the eccentric outfits people wore. There seems to be quite a distinctive style to people in certain places; in London, it can be a bit of an odd bag, but you’re guaranteed to see some really interesting outfits when you’re out and about. It’s one of the things I love about London. I love doing this in other cities/places too though; hoping to go to Paris in 2012, so will keep my eye on people’s style there…because you just KNOW that they will have style, bags full of parisian style. Oh, yes.

What’s my style? I like to think that I mix it up a bit. I love floral patterns, stripes and bright colours (of course, I love rainbows…), so at times this is all mixed together. Add a bit of grunge into the mix: biker boots, converse, quiffs in my hair. Then sometimes you can add red lipstick into it all… Then there’s my nails. Now, I am NOT high maintenance,  I don’t spend hours getting ready, nor do I HAVE to be wearing make up before  step out of the door, but my nails do have a tendency to grow well, and I’m a little lazy and don’t cut them, which leads to what some people would say are gorgeous long nails. From time to time, I paint them, and in the last couple of weeks, this has lead many people to ask if they’re real…and then be amazed when they hear that they are indeed, real. Sure, I can understand that some girls are obsessed with long, pretty nails, but I’m really not fussed about it! People say I’m lucky, but I just shrug and say drink more milk. I dunno…!

Back to style. Hmm, I don’t really know how to describe my own style. The big sis says that it’s kind of indie-kid/grunge inspired, so I guess I could go with that? I like my skinny jeans, and I had a period when I was a teenager when I would be in Camden every weekend, scoring the shops and markets for a good pair; brightly coloured, too. At one point I had: red skinny jeans, neon pink skinny jeans, bright yellow skinny jeans, black skinny jeans and grey skinny jeans. Yikes. I actually fell over in the mud at Glastonbury 2007, whilst wearing my yellow ones…it kinda ruined them a bit! In fact, right now, I am wearing a pair of red skinny jeans, with a black distressed effect. This is paired with a floral dress, a mustard coloured cardigan and my biker boots, and my hair is tied into  a pony tail with a quiff made from my fringe. How would you describe that…? And what’s your style/preferences?

Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve made quite a few decisions in terms of what I want to do for the next couple of years. See, I’v never quite been sure. The last few years have been a bit of a rollercoaster and I’ve tried things out, but it hasn’t always suited me. Now, when I began studying with the Open Uni, I started with Creative Writing. At first, I liked it. But towards the end of the course, I was getting fed up. However, I must be mad, as I have decided that I will probably do the Advanced Creative Writing course next. Why? Well, I do like writing, but I like writing more for myself and more geared towards helping other people.

Over time, I’ve learnt that I like autobiographical/biographical writing styles, and writing to help other people, especially if they’re going through hard times. I have been through depression 3 times in my life, all when I was a teenager, and it was hard. Being a teenager is no easy feat. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve come close to being depressed again, but I’ve always managed to stop myself from slipping that low. I’ve been low, very low, but not depressed, not since I was 17. I really would not wish it on anyone, and if you are going through depression yourself, then I really feel for you. It is such a hard thing to deal with, and it is not something that can be dismissed or snapped out of. It can be a long, difficult journey and some days are a real struggle. Just keep going, because I promise, I really promise, that things will get better. They will. And the world wants you to get better, it will be waiting for you, waiting for all the great things you’ll go on to achieve. The world is a better place, simply because you are here. Sure, that may sound soppy and very hallmark-y, but it’s true. Each and every person has something special about them, so don’t deprive the world of it.

This morning, I was talking to the boy about depression and how low I got this last summer. He asked me if I had been depressed since we’ve been together, and my honest answer is no. I’ve been low a couple of times, but not depressed. There is a big difference between being low and being depressed. Low is something you can change, and it changes from day to day. Some days you feel fine, but then your thoughts will make you sad again; depression is on a whole different level. You wake up and instantly feel bad. You cannot be bothered to get out of bed. The world seems screwed up, and you sometimes feel like there’s no reason to stay. You slink into a black hole and can’t see the light. Bad thoughts are always in the back of your mind. Sometimes, people would say things to me, and I would repeat it over, and over in my mind, way after the conversation was over. Every day becomes a struggle, and it takes all of your energy just to keep on going. But in the end, you CAN get through it. And you’ll be all the stronger for it. Brighter days really do come round again. And it is all you. The power is inside of you.

Yikes, this post has turned really deep. Happy thoughts? Yes please.

“Life’s an occasion. Rise to it.”

- Mr Magorium’s Wonder Emporium

Beautiful Day.

Today will be a beautiful day, I promise you this. You have the power to change how you’re feeling, and I believe you are strong enough to do this. Pick yourself up and put yourself out there. You will only ever get out what you put in. But, believe me this, today will be a beautiful day, and you have nothing, absolutely nothing, to be scared of. You are a wonderful person, and the world knows this. You are here for a reason, and you are loved by many. This one is for you, Steph x

Reasons.

There’s a blog on Tumblr that I follow from time to time, and the majority of the time, she gives people advice on the blog. However, she did a great post the other day about reasons to stay; I’m guessing it was mostly for people who are feeling depressed, but I think the rest of us can gain a lot of inspiration from it as well. Give it a read:

Reasons to stay

1. It gets better.
2. The world and society will change. You should be there to see it.
3. Because the world needs you and what talents you have inside.
4. To watch the sun rise and set.
5. To walk across the stage at your high school graduation.
6. To walk across the stage at your college graduation.
7. To cheer on your siblings when they graduate.
8. To create something beautiful.
9. Because your other half is out there, waiting to meet you.
10. To make the changes you wanted to see when you were young.
11. To save someone going through what you went through.
12. To raise a family.
13. To start that career that you don’t even know you’re interested in right now.
14. To find your passion.
15. To change yourself.
16. Somebody loves you.
17. I love you.
18. To explore the Earth.
19. To grow up.
20. The feeling of listening to your favorite song.
21. To watch the snow fall.
22. Rescue an animal.
23. Learn how to cook.
24. Move out of your hometown and into the big city.
25. Move out of the big city and to the country.
26. See your favorite band in concert.
27. Backpack through Figi.
28. Strap on a tank and follow someone to the bottom of the ocean.
29. To stand still and witness the startlingly beautiful colors of this world.
30. To drink margaritas with your best friend on a warm beach.
31. Celebrate your next birthday.
32. Celebrate your mom and dad’s 50th wedding anniversary.
33. Celebrate your 50th wedding anniversary.
34. Buy your own house.
35. Get your first grown up job.
36. Quit your grown up job and open a bakery.
37. Complete your bucket list.
38. Because you make someone smile.
39. Road trip across the country.
40. Go on a blind date.
41. Because you don’t know how close you are to achieving your goal or meeting your soulmate.
42. To be someone’s hero.
43. To complete a marathon.
44. Study abroad.
45. Join a flash mob.
46. Stay in bed all day.
47. Stay in bed all day with someone else.
48. Join the peace corps.
49. Stand up for something you believe in.
50. Inspire someone.
51. Lay on the roof and stare at the stars.
52. Write a novel.
53. Get lost someplace that no one knows your name.
54. Learning to become comfortable with your body.
55. Run your own self esteem conference.
56. March in a Pride parade.
57. Do something that scares you.
58. Help a stranger.
59. Make a list of good deeds.
60. Find out what makes you happy.
61. Give someone the hug you didn’t know they were desperate for.
62. Have the talk with someone that saves their life.
63. Get lost.
64. Find yourself.
65. Make music.
66. Lose your virginity.
67. Say I love you and mean it.
68. Forgive someone.
69. Make amends.
70. Get a second chance.
71. Be on TV.
72. Go camping.
73. See the opposite coast.
74. Go to Disneyland.
75. Stay up all night.
76. Live in NYC.
77. To finish something you started.
78. To marry the boy/girl of your dreams.
79. To see gay marriage become legal in every state.
80. To read Harry Potter to your kids.
81. To see the sunrise that changes your entire view on life.
82. To make new, genuine friends.
83. To take up an entire booth at the bar with your friends.
84. Vote for the president.
85. Be someone’s best friend.
86. Take a bubble bath.
87. Go to prom.
88. Be in a wedding.
89. See the seven wonders of the world.
90. Become a doctor.
91. Get your PhD
92. Read a story book to a child.
93. Be someone’s emergency contact.
94. See the desert.
95. Learn to surf.
96. Because you’re strong.
97. Because you’re beautiful.
98. Because someone needs you.
99. Because you’re more than worth it.
100. Because there are a million more reasons.

Copyright goes to Liz @ http://boostyouresteem.tumblr.com/

Moving On.

Moving on is such a hard thing to do, especially when it comes to moving on from people who have played a big part in your life. The whole episode earlier this year, well, it was hard. Really hard. I read back over some things I wrote from around that time, and it’s quite sad. I wrote that I wanted and needed to move on, but there was a part of me that wanted to make this friend understand where I was coming from, and at least try to fix things. Some people just don’t want to though, and this friend was hell-bent on shutting me out. It’s a shame when people do that. I’m no stranger to shutting people out though, I did it a lot this summer gone, but it was because I was closing up into myself, and I simply couldn’t find the words to explain how I was feeling. I think that is a big reason for why I stopped blogging around that time, I just felt like I had nothing to say.

Tonight I’ve been with one of my closest friends, and we were talking about depression and how it affects people, and we were able to talk about the incidents of this year and how they’ve affected me, and how low I actually got. The troubles with this friend, and another who got involved, and coupled with the whole hearing drop, well, it affected me a lot. My confidence dropped back down, and I was feeling all negative about my hearing and feeling at a loss for how to cope with it. On the outside, I looked just the same, but on the inside, I was in a shambles. Two years ago I could still hear music without my hearing aids, I could hear all the bass notes, and get the rhythm and tune, and recognise songs instantly. Now? Not the same. Without my hearing aids, I can hear hardly anything now. It’s still hard and it still hurts if I think about it too much, but, you know what? If I let it affect me in a negative way, I’ll never ever move forward. And do you know what I’ve realised? There is far too much that I want to achieve in my life to let something like my deafness hold me back. Hell, no. I won’t let it hold me back. And I’m so glad, so, so glad that I’ve got that attitude back. I really did lose it for a while this summer, and I don’t know what the hell was wrong with me.

Another thing I’ve learnt from all this, is that you really can’t let other people bring you down. Hold onto your morals, and let them be your guide. The boy said something to me the other week, and it’s really true: you can listen all you want to what other people think, but at the end of the day it’s what YOU think that matters the most. So if you’re working hard towards something, don’t let other people’s opinions get you down, hold fast to your goals and just keep going. It’s important. I’ve learnt a big lesson this year, I feel, and I’m no longer going to let other people dictate how I should be feeling; if there’s something I believe in, I will believe in it. If a friend lets me down, well, sure, it sucks, but people will always let you down, you’ve just got to believe in yourself enough and remember the good times. The good times will pull you through the bad times. But if it’s truly bad? Well, move on.

This friend taught me that. We were both in very bad situations at the time (or so it seemed, I never got to hear her side of it, she never told me what was going on), and so we just weren’t going the right way. I wanted to understand, I wanted to hear what was wrong, be a friend; but she shut me out, in a very obvious way. And she moved on. In one of the harshest ways. Yes, it hurt, yes, I cried; but I was starting to accept it, and starting to heal. What was not acceptable was the way that one of her friends thought it would be a good idea to then write on my Facebook wall, and call me a “heartless b*tch”. No, hell no, that was not acceptable. I only wish that I had saved that comment and reported it, because it was not nice. However, I am so glad that I didn’t respond to it, and simple left it be. There are too many people in this world who will only be content when they can tear others down; and, quite simply, I hate those kind of people. So, rather than get involved in their hateful worlds, I would rather leave them to it. At the end of the day, each to their own, and I would much rather boost someone up than tear them down. Ciao to the haters.

So yeah, this friend taught me to move on after she decided that she wanted to move on. After this summer, I’m finally moving on. I’m finally finding the happy moments again, I’m finally laughing freely and without having to think about it. It was hard. I wasn’t depressed, but I was very low. Those periods are horrid, but, when you come through them? You appreciate everything so much more, you really do. I will always have moments when I think about this friend, for a while, she had a big impact on my life, but in the end, I was hurting myself because I was holding on to a friendship that was starting to fade away. I was making too much effort, and not getting as much back. And me being me, I needed to let her know that, but she didn’t like it. But what can you do? Those who want to stay in your life, they will always find a way. I really believe that. Those who are still in my life today are the ones who persisted this summer; even in my low moments, they wouldn’t give up. I’m really grateful. It’s good to have people who genuinely care. Once you find those people, do, not, let, go. They’re special.

If you’ve read this far…well, thank you. It was a little hard to write all this, but I felt it needed to come out. And I needed to say that I’m moving on. It’s all good. Life goes on. Life moves forward. It always does.

“I realize, that overall, you weren’t worth it. There were moments with you that made me really, really happy; but the majority of the time you shut me out. That’s why I swear I’ll try and get over you. We might have had something really great, but i guess we’ll never know. I’ll never forget the good times i had with you, but i’ll also never forget how you hurt me more than anyone i have ever known.”

Frisked.

Came across this quote from Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. I’ve still yet to read the book, but I really want to. I’ve done it the wrong way around, because I’ve seen the film already…! I feel that you have to read the book first before a film adaptation, otherwise the film taints your reading of the book… Anyway, the quote:

They flank me – Depression on my left, loneliness on my right. They don’t need to show their badges. I know these guys very well.

…then they frisk me. They empty my pockets of any joy I had been carrying there. Depression even confiscates my identity; but he always does that.

Elizabeth Gilbert