Do you ever pause and think about where you are right now, where you were at this point in the past, and where you want to go? It’s something I think about from time to time, sometimes I feel good, sometimes I miss things and people, but if I hadn’t experienced any of it, I wouldn’t be where I am, and who I am. Currently, I’m planning lots of things, and whilst there’s a big part of me that is just itching to stop the planning and just do things, I know that the planning is essential. So I persist, and soon enough, I’ll be able to start the “do” part!
This time 4 years ago, I was in my last year on my college course, and I felt a bit strange. I was happy, very happy, because I was 7 months into my relationship with the boy, but I wasn’t completely happy education-wise. I do love the theatre, and the beloved-theatre-company, but I was at a point where I felt a bit odd; many of the friends I had grown up with there had moved on, gone to University etc, and I guess it was a bit strange to be in a place that held so many childhood memories, and yet I was studying there. I don’t regret it at all, because in doing the course, I had left my Secondary School behind, which was a good thing. But there was just something missing, I guess, because I was in a place where childhood was still so present, but I needed to grow up a bit, and to do that, I needed to go away.
This time 3 years ago, I was just starting out at Reading University. It started well. I thought it was a good course, and I had made some nice friends on the course, and a few from outside of the course. But I was away from home, away from the boy, away from those I loved. At the time, it didn’t really suit me very much. As the year went on, I got more and more homesick, and I realised just how much I was missing London too – even though it wasn’t far away by train, when you’re in a whole different place, well, it’s just not the same. I didn’t feel completely comfortable in the presence of those at University either, but I’m only starting to realise this now. There was a fair bit of back-stabbing, bitchiness and two-facedness, and all of that really isn’t who I am. From that year, I’ve gained one really good friend, and the other friendships have now more or less fallen away. However, I also don’t regret this year. I learnt a lot about myself – I’m a home-girl at heart, I like to be around those I love more than being by myself, I’m creative, I have an ever-present love of bright colours, and I always, always try to face things with a smile!
2 years ago, I had just started on the long journey with the Open University. It’s been tough, you need loads of self-motivation, and at times I do get a bit fed up with it all, but I just have to remember what I’m working towards…eventually, I will have a degree…it’s just taking a little longer. The big sis and I had also started to get a bit more serious about the jewellery business at this point, and in the December, we held a jewellery party and did quite well with it. Little steps; it was a bit stop and start after that, but we’re now on the way to relaunching the whole thing…it’s exciting!
This time last year, I had started my second course with the Open University, and I was also doing my Level 2 BSL course, at last. Through doing the BSL course, my confidence was slowly starting to grow again, and I was realising just how much BSL I already knew! With sign-language, if you don’t use it, you might lose it, but there was a lot of knowledge in me, it was just tucked away, not being used, so I’m glad I did the course, because it helped me to feel more confident when I’m signing. It also helped that our teacher was Deaf herself, so it was great to see a strong, confident Deaf woman every week.
Where am I now? What is happening right now, at this point in time? Well, currently, I’m not studying, as there wasn’t an Open Uni course that started in October that I took a liking to…but there’s one starting in January that I like the look of…so that’s the next step – with the O.U. you can do it bit by bit, working your way to a degree module by module, course by course. However, I’m currently making lots of plans; the biggest thing is the jewellery business, which has stepped up a level – I’ve been working away on a business plan, budgeting, market researching…it’s hard work! It’ll pay off though, and I’ll reveal more here when it’s all up and running. At the end of September, I finally took the plunge and got my first DSLR, and I’m so happy that I did. I think it marked a real change, because I’ve love photography for so long, yet I’ve been using the trusty point and shoot cameras, and feeling green with envy whenever I saw someone whip out a DSLR when I was out and about. But now? Now I have MY OWN. Happy days. I’ve been having lots of fun with it. Lots of fun. A lot of ideas have been bubbling up too, so I’ve been pinning things on Pinterest, and soaking up all the inspiration on the internet. Watch this space, because there will most definitely be more photographic adventures to come, which I will document on here.
After all that has happened this year, I’m feeling grateful at this point in time. Grateful for friends, family, life. I appreciate that I have this time to create what I want, which currently means setting up the jewellery business and playing with my camera. I don’t know what the future will hold, but I’m feeling happy, and I’m feeling excited. It’s been a while since I’ve felt this excited about things; and, excited, I’m glad you’re back. I’ve missed you. The next few weeks will be busy, busy and fun, as I put the finishing touches onto the business plan, and start the first steps on the “do”…and that’s the most exciting part. Sometimes it really is good to reflect on things, to look backwards at where you have been, to look forward at where you want to go, and to look at where you are now and re-evaluate things. If you don’t like where you are, then you have the power to change it. And if you can’t change it, change your attitude. It’s your life.
“This is your world. Shape it or someone else will.” – Gary Lew.
Is it just me, or does it look beautiful?! A DSLR has been on my wishlist for years, but there has always been something holding me back from actually getting one (money being one of the issues), and now that the possibility is finally here…oh boy, I’m so excited!
